Poem: Gone

By Leisl Jaberg (Originally written in 1996 with a very few edits! I actually had/have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but had no idea back then, and the the quote I cited here was moment of epiphany! Finally, I had something of an explanation!)

Gone

‘When people feel socially anxious, they may have more difficulty remembering . . . worrisome thoughts may interfere with thinking.’ – Lear and Kowalski, Social Anxiety, 1995.

So much to say,
I want to talk,
share my thoughts.
I do.

Maybe you don’t think so.
I know you don’t.
Everything that comes out of my mouth
sounds wrong

stupid

If sound does come out.
My throat chokes shut.

Everyone’s attention is on me.

I cannot think of the answer.
I knew it a moment ago,
I swear I did.

Please don’t call on my anymore.
I will forget.
It happens every time.
Everything depends on what I say –

I don’t know what to say.

blank

Beating so hard, my heart
hurts. My voice –

Gone.

All swept away.

Everyone is looking at me.
I have to say
something intelligent.

Now.
Otherwise, I will really look –

void

They will laugh.
I just know it.
They will.
I’ll feel stupid.

everybody’s waiting

I hear them laugh.